guitar player playing bass as opposed to born bass player. basic theory, couldn't read music but I know the scales and keys. (live and breath the bass). two months with songs. we aren't going to say no but we are going to explore other options. get sharp on theory and overall be better at the instrument. a-okay. we don't know. hours of practice a day. super investment and commitment from you. brush up on music skills. fit the image. the look. can't be musician. have to be bass. behind the scenes personality. learn by ear. the way I strike the strings was more like a guitarist than a bass player. shop for others. level-headed. smart. honest. agree with all of the things. (not at genius level). no prodigy here. a lapse in consciousness. a trip to california. honest questions. honest answers.
push each other. communication. not a monster player. passion for music > passion for bass. watch live show. bass over the rest of the band on stage. can i become better than fine. sleep with the bass and eat the bass. (love the instrument.) pay to practice. pay to play gigs. (practice 3-4 hours).
Have to prove worth again. And again. and again. and again. (learn things. take proactive steps towards becoming a better player.)
NOTE
put thought into deviance project. put deviance project into action. a week from tomorrow proof is required
study for anthropology (lecture slides and questions, review chapters)
- test in class next monday (studying is required: tests are hard)
soc 340 test tomorrow.
something about a power point project due either tonight or sometime. (nowhere to post it up yet. clarify in class?)
Seek out bass lessons. (Go to music building, ask around?)
Study music theory. Online. Musictheory.net. Plenty of enriching exercises there.
Work on voice. Daily workouts. No smoking.
some lyrics:
I am a total wreck
she is photogenic wherever she lives
still writes letters in cursive
brilliant red passion
flowing out of every pore the body holds
in a constant state of flow
but with nothing to show
you can't prove your genius
without evidence
she is an avant garde idiot savant
theres not a lot she wont try to love
------------
those are old lyrics. reopen that old song. make a real message.
I visited my old haunts. Kicked some rocks and resorted library cd's. Went over and across the bridge (the horror oh the horror). Dinner started poorly. Jealous and envious. SOBER. We stared out the window onto the grey harbor and watched tiny dots, dabs of color, approach then recede like waves they create. Drink to get drunk. She was a wreck but I was a seat belt. I was the air bag. I felt the affinity that has been there this whole year. Burning through foreign streets at this time last year. (What am I better at now?)
A whole damn year. Focus man. Focus focus. She is beautiful and there is a magnet in both of our chests pulling us towards each other. Run into things when not close. So clumsy and confused with my feet but again I am faced with a decision that separates the magnets so far they may no longer have a strong adhesive effect. We are so small in the world. There are dozens of perfect girls. I am an awkward romantic. A cynical lover who says, hey I hope we never break up aggressively. I hope we can just walk away. Cool? Yeah cool. I'll pack my stuff. See ya! Strong tea. Ceramic cups. I want to smash them. I want to get smashed and smash everything. The girl at the desk, the friend from Miami. My god. Is that another? The bridesmaids and grooms that we tried to rid ourselves of. Everywhere. Every friend wants you for her body. Admit it, coked out, teeth chattering, make out in the back room without recollection, then remember, brush teeth, and get back to me. Don't let me know though. You can remember if you tried but you choose to be passive on these stories of your unconscious motivations. There is poetry in self defeat. Hit bottom. See if it is possible to break the rock down there and crawl lower without also breaking in the process. Or being crushed by the weight of all responsibility high above you. In reality.
You live a dream. Wake up in my arms.
