march 14

The candle lit slow, approaching nirvana with a down and back hike, the race track pulled out a aligned with the rotating axis of the earth. the books to read or to write, here with certainty or clarity muted with blotted out stars due to city lights reflecting off the light of dust particulates, great god those ambitions were amusing and wonderful, where did I leave my glance with those glasses over flowing with withered time, a rookie mistake to follow every whim down into the undergrowth without forethought on how to get out, if there is a true meaning of life or is the lack of categorization a resemblance of some sovereign war torn nation, split apart at the seams like worn out jeans, oh lord, the courage is working now, my writerly enabler, the red wine is deceased into me with passionate groping hands, searching for similarly colored blood cells for dancing and shenanigans, the disappearing gas guzzlers, the quicksand, deep mud, trowlers, an unorthodox approach to anoerobic beat mapping, with the city landscapes in mind, the network of intermingling lines and cross hatching ideas with a single track, that race track mentioned early, though layed out into a circle, or concentric circles, those russian dolls that grow smaller and smaller still, until the center of the arctic, that north pole melting into a crime-ful wasteland of oil drilling exportation and the inevitable end of all practices we know as logical young business decisions to turn over parts and build things, things, things, sink the funds earned and build things, the hard working mantra and late night hours shifted lenses, hey brother, I might not understand though the torn house hold is something close to my recognition, I see myself in you and it is heart breaking for my ambitions to have halted in such an otherworldly manner, I have found myself looking up to who I was rather than coalescing the forms, all of those bratty, or fearful versions of me into one consistent, embalmed corpse, animated by reptilian jawline and broken down nerve endings that fry and refry, firing like canonized criminals in the olden times, here the lights are out, when did it happen, the flowers blowing with the colors of allergies, influenza, bird born and raised, glorious enterprise to infect the world and make a statement about how the world should change with the elemental raise in high standards, we live in colored flashing lights while space is out there with abstract desires and needs beyond our human puny, infantile recognition, have a go at the philosophers of dead god abstract, those brief journeys of rants and the ending of the world of education for one man who is using it to his absolute benefit like a genius of the high seas, studying the world of the written, the world of the business man, the heart breaking defeat and death of a dishonest man, in terms of weeks removed the acted upon ideas where amazing and where was I with my shitty drunken friends or exploring sunk cause housing failures with the immutable cowardice of sunken stars where there should indeed be a guiding light in the form of red eyes animating life in objects, the rocks move and vibrate, trees sprout sidelong eclipses expoising root systems to the blue sky as if it ever cared what color it was, here the details become fog, our sense of worth destroyed, the most interesting people are the ones who are confused about their purpose and role in the society as an entire being, every rule can and should be broken, I cannot allow petty insecurities ruin me like a lifeless rag, without flashy images of over eaten celebrities and te pop culture myth the world creates while we are sleeping on our back lazily in the sun like small tailless lizards for god sake, wake up to the possibility of this green grand city and stop with the virgin attitude, gain the belt buckle experiences the heart renching coercion to do bad in the face of good and the harrowing accounts of phobic, cross filtered mobbing danger, have a good time while it lasts, you are young it is a poetic jounrey into the ages from here, don't fuck it up, you have now and now alone why must you hinder your own progress by these simple facts, let yourself grow like a fucking mutant breed of wild flower out of the burned down ashes of a hazy field of dried fruit. you are electric. zap. end. how does it end. it ends in fires.