Receive a tireless vocal lesson in the throngs of curious researching and all of the discoveries for vocal capacity inside the throat. The ability to yell the lyrics that pervade a daily mind without standard voicing.
Read out a wonderful speech in regard to the fragile night. It is lost in the wind like conversation in the midst of a hurricane. I have forgotten everything and the weight of the night has descended upon my stupid frowning figure. I will take my umbrella out and weather the storm. Defenses are certainly strong enough.
----
4:40 pm
Spend the day detoxing and peeing as clearly as possible. There are so many toxins in my body that have the potential to destroy my well being over time. I'm aware of my demons as they devour me. But today I fight back. I allow myself the footing to move forward on this slippery slope with vacant death in the tired fleshy eyes of those who have given their life to toxins and chemicals. Intoxication is a slave state of bliss. Armies wave confederate flags and yell racial slurs into our bloodstreams.
To find a conversation intoxicating is one thing. To believe yourself original and interesting only when you are drunk is a faulty belief that will eat at your sober well being. To allow an instinctual animal impulse to exude your phrasing after a few cocktails is a healthy severance from reality. Every vice in moderation is healthy for the sake of skirting with disaster, it helps the blood pulse through your veins and it helps your eyes clearly see the surrounding world as a life-filled ambient-lit wonderland of curious development in thought and science constantly blossoming.
Life is gorgeous and death illuminates this fact.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
march 28
The names and faces etched into the bathroom stalls of my mind. How could I ever remember those forgotten exclamations? The drunken revelry that brought us back together constantly like magnets or a worse metaphor. Airports are as sad as they are happy as there are departures as often as arrivals depending on the time of year and the appeal of the place as a vacation destination for sweating tourists complaining of heat or rain. I hug you goodbye with the same ferocity a tiger attacks its prey. I earned my stripes. The hello was a quick tentative kiss with eyes glancing sideways to the white haired angel floating beneath her halo a few yards down the runway. There she was with a secretive smirk, analyzing the world with its nauseous rotations and the drinks imbibed make the straight lines swerve chaotically. She remains static in this chaos. That relaxed countenance with a knowing glimmer in the eyes. Reveals the world to itself. Hides nothing under that frosted looking glass.
Advice given out like pig slop to hungry, snorting pigs. Did they give a care for what they have consumed? The inspirational quotes and the harrowing details of love lost and ambition found. It seems time to work more now than ever. This is the time to become the beacon of excellence the others have failed to see or to ignite or it becomes dowsed in a torrential downpour of mediocrity and trite condensation. We use literacy with intention to provide warmth in the hearts of likely animals or the cold sweat down the necks of unlikely souls. For when the words come at you from a random source, and you are in a vulnerable position, they have the ability to crack the foundations of your thinking. Your mind can be destroyed by the senseless words of a magazine add. The combination of letters and the meaning of those random swirls as your mind becomes receptive... this can uproot housing developments. this could unglue the wallpaper from the old hospitals. this could guide us through dark alleyways without prejudice.
-----
I saw the glow behind your head. I envy your genuine interest. We drank beer that tasted like lotus flower tea and I envied the glow behind your head. I saw the gleam, the glint in your eyes that my mother also noticed. Some courageous glance that conveys honest longing and appreciation. The physique of a young couple with something to prove. We can get it together.
Tired enough to sleep alone. My exhaustion allows me to ignore the beastly heart of mine, gnawing away at defensive arteries and without chemical release. I will become a wretch for the time being. Huddled in corners over books of musical composition. Learn, I will. Sleep, I will also. There is much to learn from sleeping naked and alone.
Advice given out like pig slop to hungry, snorting pigs. Did they give a care for what they have consumed? The inspirational quotes and the harrowing details of love lost and ambition found. It seems time to work more now than ever. This is the time to become the beacon of excellence the others have failed to see or to ignite or it becomes dowsed in a torrential downpour of mediocrity and trite condensation. We use literacy with intention to provide warmth in the hearts of likely animals or the cold sweat down the necks of unlikely souls. For when the words come at you from a random source, and you are in a vulnerable position, they have the ability to crack the foundations of your thinking. Your mind can be destroyed by the senseless words of a magazine add. The combination of letters and the meaning of those random swirls as your mind becomes receptive... this can uproot housing developments. this could unglue the wallpaper from the old hospitals. this could guide us through dark alleyways without prejudice.
-----
I saw the glow behind your head. I envy your genuine interest. We drank beer that tasted like lotus flower tea and I envied the glow behind your head. I saw the gleam, the glint in your eyes that my mother also noticed. Some courageous glance that conveys honest longing and appreciation. The physique of a young couple with something to prove. We can get it together.
Tired enough to sleep alone. My exhaustion allows me to ignore the beastly heart of mine, gnawing away at defensive arteries and without chemical release. I will become a wretch for the time being. Huddled in corners over books of musical composition. Learn, I will. Sleep, I will also. There is much to learn from sleeping naked and alone.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
March 26
There have been so many days of pass out drunks and late night liquor runs that I've lost track of how much change I have left in my accounts. There are whiskey spills in antique diners and all of the muted feelings transformed into solid thoughts over time, through time and with time. The people who where once circles have remained as circles and we see those who are not entirely here as they are here, funny feeling out for land as it slips away from you and the amount of years compiling over us like the tidal waves cascading over beach sediment... we are not foreign to change, we are accumulating and finding rhythms between the worlds without white affluence and the ability to roll up with the exaggerated crowds, a sense of humor got you somewhere and an influence of this comes out of me every now and then, the quickness and logic of instant classic humor when you are sloppily drunk carrying yourself up the stairs of my childhood home, the same placards on the walls and the same isolation once we are both gone, some rigid contentment that we are young and free, exploring the boundaries of love at its most crucial and developmental point. We are basically surgeons with scalpels of shapes we've never seen handed to us. We could never conclude that we knew what we were doing. In those silent and lonely expansive nights, spending that time writing vulgar thoughts of childhood friends who experienced the wrong side of life at the edge of the morning mattress, something grumpy and life-consuming on his part. We are losing weight with precision and tactics of religions exposed beyond elaborate rehearsal with dresses on and our eyes face painted into life. Expensive beer bought and consumed in rapid and unthankful manners. The body parts eliminated necessarily when prevalent.
we said we would talk but we haven't. there are beds to enter elsewhere and we will not hug freely in my shattered bedroom, the very first girl you've ever made out with and a willpower to ignore the awful crushing sensation of disquiet and doubt, at a young age as an unfree child, there are no limits to imagination in the end... it always seems better when on somebody elses lap in a field somewhere, in a small tent on the sea shore, on an ottoman with sheets pulled over, underwear strewn about in disarray, the descriptive words defiled from the English language and understand quickly to become a certain break from the malicious execution. How fun it is to play with words in such a free manner! There are no boundaries to withhold me. There are no penalties to destroy me! It is a pure and luxurious endeavor, through vigor, runny nose, and spit. All of the vital ingredients to a present-day parade. This clear communication is in effect of the constant drink and the sporadic inclusion of the weed leaf. There are open accusations to make, on any level. Search that level clear and through with direction of online forums and never find anything worthwhile on a day-to-day basis. These are the proportions of the moon and the toothaches to prove it. Tooth decay in the ancestors of modern man. The fossils to be discovered by future humans of our stored remains. We would remain as frozen silhouettes of known people, fermented in cavernous mass graves for future research. They are intended as a heightened statistical increase. They are present day hieroglyphs to study in future holographic classrooms.
There is a sickness taken over my sense are screwing me over. Described prior as a treatable influenza, their may be a base in the happy diet out of a healthy actuality, vacation shouldn't represent a healthy way to live in the most general, lack of inhibitions self, but I am discovering I can't even inhale correctly with seeping tears and searing pain.
---
later, with eyes running inconceivably, at 1:51 after meridian, in the morning, I feel as though this
allergen is in effect caused by previous location and a very centered pain and numb digits, the fingers reaching through steel wire, the constant obstacles with specific green blips on the radar. These outward ripples are caused by propeller movement and an understanding of the opportunity and the excitement in which personal definition is involved, a sick an unwarrented reaction to the moving parts and the confidence is success, it doesn't even feel like you won't make it somewhere enormous and a cautious tale to warn off predators, a cautionary tale against allergic reactions to certain creatures, their fur included in derivative forms, flustered and awfully infected with some stupid temporary disease and a strange glance at the dichotomy and the less drank hero, overcome by horrible judgment of value, an ailment overcomes the obituary headlines, the bigger the advertisement, the better, the right hands full of gold coins, and elysian fields span the expanses of time. I hear my sister coughing loud through the door of my broken door toward the upstairs bathroom. A privileged set up finally lined up to feel fully connected and sometimes the alcohol upsets that forgotten equilibrium, the meaning disclosed beneath the words is heard and the addiction settles nicely into the bones as a dry mouth horror unfolds alone in the dark house of my dreams of paradise.
we said we would talk but we haven't. there are beds to enter elsewhere and we will not hug freely in my shattered bedroom, the very first girl you've ever made out with and a willpower to ignore the awful crushing sensation of disquiet and doubt, at a young age as an unfree child, there are no limits to imagination in the end... it always seems better when on somebody elses lap in a field somewhere, in a small tent on the sea shore, on an ottoman with sheets pulled over, underwear strewn about in disarray, the descriptive words defiled from the English language and understand quickly to become a certain break from the malicious execution. How fun it is to play with words in such a free manner! There are no boundaries to withhold me. There are no penalties to destroy me! It is a pure and luxurious endeavor, through vigor, runny nose, and spit. All of the vital ingredients to a present-day parade. This clear communication is in effect of the constant drink and the sporadic inclusion of the weed leaf. There are open accusations to make, on any level. Search that level clear and through with direction of online forums and never find anything worthwhile on a day-to-day basis. These are the proportions of the moon and the toothaches to prove it. Tooth decay in the ancestors of modern man. The fossils to be discovered by future humans of our stored remains. We would remain as frozen silhouettes of known people, fermented in cavernous mass graves for future research. They are intended as a heightened statistical increase. They are present day hieroglyphs to study in future holographic classrooms.
There is a sickness taken over my sense are screwing me over. Described prior as a treatable influenza, their may be a base in the happy diet out of a healthy actuality, vacation shouldn't represent a healthy way to live in the most general, lack of inhibitions self, but I am discovering I can't even inhale correctly with seeping tears and searing pain.
---
later, with eyes running inconceivably, at 1:51 after meridian, in the morning, I feel as though this
allergen is in effect caused by previous location and a very centered pain and numb digits, the fingers reaching through steel wire, the constant obstacles with specific green blips on the radar. These outward ripples are caused by propeller movement and an understanding of the opportunity and the excitement in which personal definition is involved, a sick an unwarrented reaction to the moving parts and the confidence is success, it doesn't even feel like you won't make it somewhere enormous and a cautious tale to warn off predators, a cautionary tale against allergic reactions to certain creatures, their fur included in derivative forms, flustered and awfully infected with some stupid temporary disease and a strange glance at the dichotomy and the less drank hero, overcome by horrible judgment of value, an ailment overcomes the obituary headlines, the bigger the advertisement, the better, the right hands full of gold coins, and elysian fields span the expanses of time. I hear my sister coughing loud through the door of my broken door toward the upstairs bathroom. A privileged set up finally lined up to feel fully connected and sometimes the alcohol upsets that forgotten equilibrium, the meaning disclosed beneath the words is heard and the addiction settles nicely into the bones as a dry mouth horror unfolds alone in the dark house of my dreams of paradise.
Monday, March 18, 2013
silent nights
where the sky seems hollow. the shadows of certain door frames have sinister intentions to capture you and consume you. everything echoes inside your head. rattling gears of a broken machine. the day passes by you like a slipstream, do you feel the pull of the tide? do you feel earth's shaking bones? all of the minerals and fossilized rodents that make up our carbon. looking forward to becoming carbon yourself?
you are well on your way, oh consuming of biproducts, of unhealthy life decisions in order to sustain the burning sensation of pleasure receptors in your brain, they constantly firework in that numb skull of yours, you wish to keep everything simple and to put absolutely zero thought into your surroundings. stay small, it might be where you belong.
nights of silent suffering, with no power for the radio, with only vehement thoughts, cultivated by previous drunken rage, and exaggerated by splitting headaches compounded by the lack of soothing music to carry me off into that sweet blissful reality-exit. It's safe to assume that sleeping is much like death. A dreamless night of spacial unawareness. where you float through your astral body until the sun dies and the world turns into a spiraling block of ice to collide with comets or other bodies, I will watch and laugh in an eternal lotus position, through space and time, watching my whole life unravel before my eyes and always regret how I failed to soak up the essence of situations, but I can't drown in regret with a dead liver, and no sustenance is required after you die, your heart is now an object of science and of brevity, we lick our lips at the taste of cigarettes and smoking through vomit and the excellence required to be fully committed to present moments as they occur, the ability to remember and to forget all of the vices that fuck with this remembering self. the experiencing self says pour another shot. the remembering self says you will not remembering this shot. you pour it on the nearest planter, killing life without remorse in your heart, a raw answer to supposed divine questions, we will decompose like fruit in the grave, tombstones in the sky, launch me out of a cannon and over the sea, I'll laugh and cry and explode into oblivion, can you do that for me jesus?
fall into an unforgettable rhythm, although a dark tangent, the excuses almost always instantly lost because there is never validity, the truth exists and we ignore it for personal warmth or for societal norms which need to be crushed beneath our feet like cockroaches who will in turn outlive our species after the next cold war turns hot.
life is a cool colored twisting confusion. we are elements in a machine we can't comprehend. cogs in a wheel know nothing of the concept of the wheel. they are cavemen before they entered caves. they are our ancestors though somewhat got it wrong a very long time ago and now political beliefs consume people and they use the words of others to justify their atrocities, their incongruous thought and action, the polyrhythm of life, where we sleep soundly in baskets pushed down vast rivers, we experience the world with blinders on to cancel negative thoughts.
I'd kill to be more self aware.
Understand how this body works and how the mind unravels.
constant new discoveries
be humble
don't buy into the standards.
the expensive watches that have the time wrong
constant disappointment in humanity
all following each other like lemmings
because we don't know who to trust
or who to love or who to fuck
the nights are not silent
they are full of the dead eyes
of brilliant liars
all of us involved in a massive scheme
keep progress to a minimum
so we can rape the earth a bit longer
you are well on your way, oh consuming of biproducts, of unhealthy life decisions in order to sustain the burning sensation of pleasure receptors in your brain, they constantly firework in that numb skull of yours, you wish to keep everything simple and to put absolutely zero thought into your surroundings. stay small, it might be where you belong.
nights of silent suffering, with no power for the radio, with only vehement thoughts, cultivated by previous drunken rage, and exaggerated by splitting headaches compounded by the lack of soothing music to carry me off into that sweet blissful reality-exit. It's safe to assume that sleeping is much like death. A dreamless night of spacial unawareness. where you float through your astral body until the sun dies and the world turns into a spiraling block of ice to collide with comets or other bodies, I will watch and laugh in an eternal lotus position, through space and time, watching my whole life unravel before my eyes and always regret how I failed to soak up the essence of situations, but I can't drown in regret with a dead liver, and no sustenance is required after you die, your heart is now an object of science and of brevity, we lick our lips at the taste of cigarettes and smoking through vomit and the excellence required to be fully committed to present moments as they occur, the ability to remember and to forget all of the vices that fuck with this remembering self. the experiencing self says pour another shot. the remembering self says you will not remembering this shot. you pour it on the nearest planter, killing life without remorse in your heart, a raw answer to supposed divine questions, we will decompose like fruit in the grave, tombstones in the sky, launch me out of a cannon and over the sea, I'll laugh and cry and explode into oblivion, can you do that for me jesus?
fall into an unforgettable rhythm, although a dark tangent, the excuses almost always instantly lost because there is never validity, the truth exists and we ignore it for personal warmth or for societal norms which need to be crushed beneath our feet like cockroaches who will in turn outlive our species after the next cold war turns hot.
life is a cool colored twisting confusion. we are elements in a machine we can't comprehend. cogs in a wheel know nothing of the concept of the wheel. they are cavemen before they entered caves. they are our ancestors though somewhat got it wrong a very long time ago and now political beliefs consume people and they use the words of others to justify their atrocities, their incongruous thought and action, the polyrhythm of life, where we sleep soundly in baskets pushed down vast rivers, we experience the world with blinders on to cancel negative thoughts.
I'd kill to be more self aware.
Understand how this body works and how the mind unravels.
constant new discoveries
be humble
don't buy into the standards.
the expensive watches that have the time wrong
constant disappointment in humanity
all following each other like lemmings
because we don't know who to trust
or who to love or who to fuck
the nights are not silent
they are full of the dead eyes
of brilliant liars
all of us involved in a massive scheme
keep progress to a minimum
so we can rape the earth a bit longer
march 18
Days later, it erupted like a deep sea volcano, with the magnitude of Hiroshima earthquakes and the kind of tidal waves that are high enough to wash away the history of ancient coastal civilizations and to sending the wretched moon whirling off into space without purpose or direction, photographs and memories of this rock that unites everyone on earth with eyes and minds will take the place of relatives on the mantel, a moon rock acts somewhat like an urn, an urn that you've scattered your own ashes inside of, what part of you has broken off and falling to earth like twinkling star light, you burned and cremated into a fragile pile, but is it any more fragile that your arteries?
How do you deal with insecure feelings of ineptitude? Do you drink into a stupor, with paralytic intent to squash haunting demons from your darkening mind, or free yourself from government counter logic with leafy greens and pipes, in that desolate space you resembled a smoke stack with fumes spouting out from the cavern of your mouth, your lungs attached and your spine stretches out in a hot yoga pose, the most difficult to perform without tension, and you smoke your paychecks like cigarettes? saving cans and bottles in order to trade them in for spare change... the precious material inside your heart that you often forget exists in that prison cell of a rib cage and many centuries of civilizations have invented ways to pierce those cemetery walls and to rip through the anatomical skeleton in such a way that crowds of people would foam at the mouth in a frenzy, rioting in the streets with drunken cajolery, at the sight of first blood, we have bandages though, they cover only tiny area.
Are you certain you've taken the right essences out of life?
What makes you so sure.
How do you deal with insecure feelings of ineptitude? Do you drink into a stupor, with paralytic intent to squash haunting demons from your darkening mind, or free yourself from government counter logic with leafy greens and pipes, in that desolate space you resembled a smoke stack with fumes spouting out from the cavern of your mouth, your lungs attached and your spine stretches out in a hot yoga pose, the most difficult to perform without tension, and you smoke your paychecks like cigarettes? saving cans and bottles in order to trade them in for spare change... the precious material inside your heart that you often forget exists in that prison cell of a rib cage and many centuries of civilizations have invented ways to pierce those cemetery walls and to rip through the anatomical skeleton in such a way that crowds of people would foam at the mouth in a frenzy, rioting in the streets with drunken cajolery, at the sight of first blood, we have bandages though, they cover only tiny area.
Are you certain you've taken the right essences out of life?
What makes you so sure.
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