sept 22

Long good day here. Started with discordant feminist improv. Something about german politics and the score from any movie involving a haunted house. I felt she must have practiced in a ghost-ridden dungeon. Where the dissonant chords summon sundered spirits. Kindred spirits beware. The silent hill motif. printed off picture of denzel to make a sign for chris young and the dbacks. drink on the light rail and travel light years towards an ominous destination. spoke briefly to many different apparitions. of tv show pitches about some anxious dark comedy self portrait of this girls life. of influence and of slow doctors increase awkward situations. long drawn out pauses after serious questions, meaning no harm. i picture a title with a single word. maybe her name. maybe the kids name. maybe some off-kilter pop culture reference. maybe some professor that she becomes infatuated with. fucking everybody. couldn't say the character was slutty considering how autobiographical it was. admit to my anxiety and my writing as catharsis. I hope you exist! Karma in return for a dollar. Some print offs. Some free coffee. Talking the shit. Measuring spectra. The chemical fingerprints of different sources of light. You guys realize we are paying a thousand dollars for this class? Block it out. Start anew. Learn the materials and become a master at all arts. Fill up my cup with everything possible. The philosophical questions. Hero? My dad when he was younger. Very little inspiration comes from his actions NOW. Loser. I don't know where his head is. Maybe some mid life depression. Lift yourself up dad. Smile and be kind to your body as you used to. The vigor and the fire disappeared. Maybe it's me.. I think out of simple paranoia. Me out of the equation. No longer talking. The updates. The nuances. The health related dream issues. I dreamed of a grumpy old man he would become. Truly I witnessed the light coming in to enter his spouse (not my father and mother.. these people were strangers in their personalities and actions... only a resemblance of my grandfather.... perhaps a future vision). I witnessed the light hitting this woman as she held my hand and told me how it felt. This man was rushing to get there beside her but was trapped up in something. Some inferiority. Thicker than air. Trying to pass through this density to replace me at her side. But I saw the light with her. Like a laser. Like a train of light. Passed into her through her heart and took the soul out of her body. Rendered her physical body useless. He became mad that I was there. That I was undeserving. More so jealous about what I witnessed because he felt he would die soon and that snapshot of the light that I saw somehow would be the key to his salvation and his happiness. Rather his preparation. You know what it felt like! he screamed. By the time it matters for you, you will forget he fumed. And jumped into a waterfall.