Face irrational fear of night crawlers getting into my clothes, under my skin, into my hair... by laying down on the back cement and watching two torches sear across the sky in life-affirming grace. Oh, to smile when no one is watching. The real smile. Earlier tears of self-deprecation, of self-pity, of selfishness. Near tears. Nothing liquid. Nothing tangible. All of this is a huge mirage anyway, a canopy of trees blocking of true understanding. There is no such thing as true understanding either. So fuck it. Drink a beer, smash a windshield, shelter someone shivering with your coat, help an old lady across the street hoping she will smoke you out... I felt a part of a universal feeling, that vibrating momentum underfoot, the tramping of hooves on hardwood, the bull is released in the city and the city is released, in turn, from immediate responsibility if by chance in the path of the bull. One day, anywhere, not even Spain... could be in the elevator at work, a stoplight, laying in the lawn dreaming of butterflies beneath the trampoline, the bull will catch up to you and you will not be prepared but no one is and most deal with it okay.. I felt in tune with everyone else, their thoughts floated openly across the sky and I could access them. Their concerns of dark bugs crawling into them sank down to me and I felt a mutual understanding for all America. If anywhere, a desert overpass would be great on this evening. A blunt or a hookah with thc crystals sprinkled on top with one sharable hose with no collective herpes, above an overpass with speeding trucks hauling shit across the continent. Hand in hand with current love of life... The same mysteries reveal themselves to others tonight. I felt a click and a harmonious chorus rise into the air. Somehow we were all connected. Not all, I should mention only those with the courage to break routine and go lay outside with their lovers or their children and talk about space. Everyone in the world has something to say to their partner if they both happen to see the same shooting star at once. They wish the same thing for each other but can never tell. Also, I saw a low-flying plane and realized (even now 30 minutes later, well out of my field of vision even if 30 feet taller) There is no place that plane can pass in the sky that someone's eyes will not be following. I had the strangest sensation that the moment I blinked or the moment it disappeared behind trees for me that someone else instantaneously took over watchful duty. And so on. Never will that pilot feel completely alone.
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How to determine when a painting is done. When no other lines scream themselves into creation. When no other colors beg to be born.
I woke up naturally 3 hours prior to alarm and took advantage to jog myself awake. Soaked in sweat notice the family who lives in the house my apartment is attached to... leaving and waving, driving by. So I jump in the pool and sloppily swim laps, having no recollection of how to turn around under water like the olympians, mostly I tread water and feel good. A nice cool down. No dog follow me, barking. No one watching. Nothing. I feel great and then I sit for too long and begin to feel that simple exhaustion.
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I assure you after our rendezvous
I have not tampered with your parachute
you commit yourself to falling
so freely
pulling the cord but nothings happening
serenely
you will not slow down
until you reach the ground
at your most glorious moment
the one you dream about
I will ruin everything
holding your trembling body
self-contained earthquake
the pain is instant as it is everlasting
you have you stay awake
sleep ruins everything
colors run together and form new ones
no one could ever dream of
a new spectrum of light
pick up some road maps
head out west
and trick yourself into believing
underlying motives
under lion motions
we are on the prowl tonight
ravenous for the attack and bite
pray you will not become prey
stay back a safe distance away
as we carve our teeth into fangs
good girls are hard to find
bad guys don't seem to mind
find me a diagnosis
in that manual so thick
what are your symptoms
there is pain in my blood
show me where it hurts
I'll alleviate that curse
all past versions of me
ten different people trapped in one body
some of them conspire against me
but there is no me
there is only them
they control my head
that little boy and that drumset
the longhair and the tempest
a violent and windy storm
I'm looking for a moment of clarity out of chaos
these constellations guide my direction or I'll stay lost
late night moonlit walks
down apprehensive park blocks
Find me some peace of mind and bring me back to sanity
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write a song about traveling cross country with friends circa beat era.
song about a girl.
song about painting.
