Everyone is so fucking safe, concerned with the language they choose. The majority concerned with how they present themselves to others who use the criteria conditioned into their hollow fucking heads to decide what you are worth. So safe. Too careful. Beware, if you are too careful you will die without any imprint on the world. A wasted life spent in dive bars and wasted beyond recognition. You will not be yourself. Your confusion is what the media and your fuck up friends will take advantage of. Oh, this is cool? you'll say to yourself and then you will be open minded in the undertaking. removing your clothes for the pile on orgy created with this kind of intellectual mistreatment. you, the parasite of our culture, the consumer buying up things with misplaced value, when we all realize how small and meaningless we are. of course to live with privilege of with high standards in the the eyes of others is probably a positive feeling. but not something to take with you to your grave, your tombstone made of ivory, the murdered elephants had more heart than you. you leech of existence. what kind of conditioning the television creates for the stupid and lame populace, the majority of thousand dollar spenders sitting content with a fresh buzz beyond being content with new and impossible career goals, to be underwater and drowning stupidly in the watery graves of our fallen comrades even though they were dumb enough to believe in the stupid ideals as well. it is much worse than I originally thought god damn.
careful with our words. try not to be offensive or slight or proper. etiquette be fucked. we are human beings with real emotions to convey and the obvious discrepancy is what damages all words and hateful feelings toward the enemy, selling cocaine in school, and the past never lets us go, you contradictory fuck up, and the passive aggressive false understandings, the reading of poetry to find the words relevant, it is not about understanding the purpose of the author, it is about your own life, making a new discovery about yourself or the construction of the language, it is about the expansion of standard talking. It is about the hollowed out shells of thought and the investment of life inside of these words.
it is about real fucking life. the pain and suffering we all feel, but some are rich enough to ignore or to lie to themselves constantly with alcohol how shitty their lives have become and then suddenly I will quit cold turkey and hate my life for awhile, as there is no reason to drink with some vehemence in a land of stupidity, sitting on the couch and worried wishes unfulfilled.
I'm afraid to live and not remember why.
-----
I just know that my hate would cease in the arms of someone loving. someone who feels the same way. someone who isn't lying to me. or at least I am fully convinced in their lie despite everything. I would kill the train of thought and derail it, let the conductor sleep. I would feel the warmth. I would seek out enlightenment. I would find happiness briefly and see through this veiled scheme. I would constantly hate those who hate our words and our moves. I would feel the shit storm of unenlightened enemies. Enemies with self fulfilling prophecies of self harm and the forgotten bands of dead brothers. I would hear the words underneath the ocean and believe many of them. I would justify my own anti social actions with those of another. It is my own god damned life and a little bit of fucking emotion would not hurt anyone. I need the lack of structure. I need the fucking mental stress and the breaking point. god damn it.
and now to sleep without anxiety. impossible. I hate every motion that I make. it is exactly what they fucking wanted.
