Dizzy but not in a blissful intoxicated way. The world is bright in an offensive way. It is bright enough peel the paint off of a house. It is too bright for scientific shades. There is acute pain in my head and now developing in my stomach. Something approaching nausea. When I stand to walk I feel as if I've just stepped off a mariner's ship onto land for the first time in months. I stagger slightly, my equilibrium to the wolves. Either something is wrong with me and my senses or I am in a fun house. High frequency noises make me cringe and shudder. I have to pause briefly to recover my poise. What good is poise when you are alone? What good is image when you have 7 years of bad luck hanging over your head? Thank you Omar for employing me to break mirrors with you out beside the parking structure. We red boxed the same movie. I was too drunk to remember most dialogue. The make-up and special effects were spot on. Exceptional budget does not mean exceptional product. It is a lot of smoke in the thinnest air. My body is tired without justification. Eyes aching with electronic fatigue. The glowing scenes we invest ourselves in will eventually and evolutionarily change the structure of our brains and the way our eyes take information. Neural networks rerouted. The faint pain behind my lenses blocks out logical inquiry. No need to do math here on my own. Weights tied to my ankles. I am grounded. Stand in the corner and stare at the wall for fifteen minutes for self punishment. I drew on the back of my hand. For no reason. There does not have to be a reason for every move. So concerned with the opinions of others that you can't even form an uninfluenced opinion of yourself, however incorrect. Disgusting human nature and all the conspiracy theories surrounding. Enough excitement over such bullshit to give any logical human a splitting headache. Thank you god for granting me an excuse to digest the information and bite my tongue until blood pours out of my mouth. Don't talk damn it. Call their bluff but let them live in their fantasy world of sky rise mercedes benz factories. Power outages to entice ratings and momentum. Psychological warfare. Someone was paid off. Nothing happens for a reason. "You're on the road to golden houses."
I wanted to see explosions. Crowds rioting, drunk and violent. But no. They are orderly and sedated. Stupid and blissful. This is an entertainment venue and a quest for ratings despite everything else. There is no honesty, no truth. Just advertising space and huge budgets of confiscated bullshit. Cynical in the face of millions. Your time to shine. But you were dull and blotted. Black and white. Nothing special about you, you fucking fool.
