June 5th - 4:20 pm
I woke up as a burning pine tree and each little leaf is a day or a second and eventually I will collapse into embers and ashes... maybe a phoenix or a redwood will rise out of my demise. These thoughts are whatever. They matter less than cleaning your car once a week.
I tried to walk with the perception of a philosopher. Away from those unique people... "I'll probably never see you again." Well, yeah. Why not be happily absent to that idea of full disconnection. Then I realize it is absolutely my own problem. Another group of people who could form into decent relations disappeared because I don't know how the hell to feed social conscious. I die a little when I walk away from any conversation. How could it have gone worse? Well. Not the point. The point is larger. Narrow social settings do not matter. How does one cope with such transient friends who like similar things and study with a great fervor and speak in riddles and tongues and use uncommon words and probably play music on the side and aren't graduating and I have no parties to attend, what in hell have I done with my time and how can I break this ridiculous spell, what is the secret to a less somber isolation? Contrast probably. When I want to get away to have the ability to. I get away when I really shouldn't and everything burns down like a funeral pyre of social intention.
Miserable. With my 3.7 on an exam I thought I bombed. Why not happy and exceptional and say sorrowful goodbyes and then I found the clique again and disappeared into the fold without room to breathe and god damn it all was great fun and I am worse for the where. The what. What is it?
