heart beat feeling the tantrums by the rich, waiting around to be a millionaire and stuck up, everyone, feeling the reserves of horrible beauty, the kind that ruins your face in the end, you can never rid of it, wait around to get drinks bought for you, a false atmosphere despite drinks and colored lights, there are hundreds of ways to fall apart though you choose the easiest. old neighbor falling apart into french language beverages and a secret code. they all are conspiring into something new and unforgettable. something transcending weed in small quantities and all inclusive. wondering about me. calling the shots. feeling stupid for such thoughts. I knew. I knew. I know now. Now I know. You will not understand. Life experience adds up. To something worthy of sharing. If not... shut your damn mouth . feel sick and stupid. discontinue thought now for those reasons. dying here. though based on food primarily.
---
1:00am
he stumbled back after a long hiatus. treading lightly in the lemon-lime light.
avoids concrete sentence structure. the story becomes hollow through distraction. the audience does not find themselves lost in a page-turning trance. paper cuts and sweating. swearing and fidgeting in endless ecstasy. they were lost in a way. a deserter knows what they are doing. the moment of doubt is the fatal moment where foundations crack. deep fissures begin to grow deep in your heart and your body goes slack due to malnourishment. so never doubt. aim high, set trajectory and catapult yourself above those cemetary walls. you are no longer a breathing corpse. heart pumping blood into thankful veins. it is an overlooked feature in this delicate machinery of the body. it is a history of mankind. the blueprints others left and the fantastic ways their lives were spent. ask for the accounts of their life. write their story. talk for them.
though somehow, neck craned to the sky, stars visible after nights of obscurity, analyzing shifted galaxies, the striding soldier still points toward Jupiter, star-bright with awe and wonder, it is a huge and beautiful world, I never understood how the sheltering changed me, the isolation in moments, largely accounted for by the position of the zodiac in the sky... wheels churning... though somehow I felt the fear breathe cold at my craned neck. it rushed nearly sounding like a set of footsteps echoing loud and fast approaching then suddenly ceasing at the point of lunacy. there is a set of eyes on me. a human creature capable of successful nights over the bridge. lose me. lose interest in me.
paranoid of growing pressure welling up inside and spilling out through nervous twitches. some are subtle, others not so. constant itches to scratch. dodging eye contact and crucial points in modern human communication. at the very basic level missing the non verbal cues always, in awkward and choppy phrases, telling future tales of glowing shrines, there are no morals and the sense, once lost, never returns. We become doomed for a lost cause.
the rhythm and meter are there surely. cadence is strong and momentum continuing though the sense of it is lost in playful deviations of original phrase. mind on fire. I begin with a singular idea and then multiply with thoughts as rapidly as they come. they could all be typed in an instant if I cam to practice perfect typing technique. and it saddens me to know that children will at one point in the future experience life without ever writing on a piece of paper. it will all be electronic and the crazy transition should be sci-fi generic, though without any sense of horror. the fear comes from the unknown... go off on tangents or cotangents. catatonic in the sinful morning hours of a sunday. take on a herculean effort to increase dexterity and strength in order to kill that demon. ever-approaching, hunched and snarling, baring its fangs with poisonous wishes, a very real and animal hunger in its black eyes... I will have to be over prepared to survive.
