Dec 19

Take on the role of the constantly dissenting opinion. Always looking at things through an outside perspective and distancing away from situation in order to maintain logic and integrity whilst skirting on abstract idealism for the ability to push boundaries. Wonders if it means anything anymore or if it simply an argument for no sake at all. For the belittling of the people and the best interests being expressed beyond conscious thinking, there can always be others making decisions for us, we can be rats if we wanted to, we could fall to pieces and smile broadly, we could become skinnier than models and call ourselves beautifully underfed, we can throw ideas around and try to satisfy everyone. conceptual art instead of abstract art. something to represent the music within. my clothes, old and tattered, represent something about my character perhaps but this is rarely a conscious effort, when it is it pushes absurdity in my mind, I feel like a clown that child run away from, an accidental terrifying influence and we are going somewhere so fast toward oblivion and beyond our recognition. Line everything up before it happens before the explosion that kills us or sends us out of the blast radius, something that either decimates into nothing, into dust and atoms, into particles and we try not to feel like we've disappointed ourselves the whole damn time. we never fell into those shattered categories. we broke all the rules and found out nothing new about ourselves aside from fragmented glimpses at our psyches. this is for introspection. a cohesive unit and a teeth grinding headache. I feel that crippling anxiety I though had dissipated into thin mist many ages ago. back before cell phones and hover boards. back before such ideas were ridiculous and I saw the cities in ruins before I ever stepped foot in them. I remembered the carnage before it happened in a time lapse. I felt the exhaustion of a day spent strangely. aloof on the couch and feelings of inadequacy pervading everything. negativity and anxiety. no smiling, the doctor ordered. couldn't keep the wind off our backs. couldn't sell ourselves short. glorify and testify. the words are important, ultimately. but the meaning is elusive. open to interpretation. I want to live. I want to live. I want to live. I want to live. I will live freely. I will exchange frequencies with televisions and communicate with satellites. I will be flying through the air when the world dies.