Careful with the accurate language, the negative accents and overtones weigh over the top.... but I'm not paid for my opinion, tell me to shut the hell up when I need to. horrible things to say on an early night. Feeling alone again as an outlier, all the while I could have been having crazy sex with a beautiful young woman who works at a store I've never been to. She is there, somewhere. But there is fear. Fear of the unknown? Is that it?
Watch my words so closely that I can never enter a full subconscious flow of them... over analyze and everyone feels so damn sober. weigh you down.
tone of voice and matter of opinion. the outsider. the considerable losses and the over the top politically charged humor. easy way to divide the nation therefore the way we will always do it because united we fall. everyone so strung out on their beliefs. needing a fix of reality. needing some heroin in their veins for the love of christ. bring us some fucking salvation. save yourself first though, there are 7 billion who hate this just as much. the isolation and the lack of acceptance. (did I spell it fucking right this time?) minimize swearing due to lack of color it supplies in words though my current anger can only be defined in such words. A shit storm of thoughts and a violent melody embedded forever.
maybe my anger is a veiled awareness that I am of a quickly dying breed.
I read. I don't read what I 'should' read.
----
spider crawled on me through sheets, pay an homage to the old lyrics and the derivative meanings behind the words. I heard you fell into a rabbit hole. something drug addled and incandescent. I'll see the lights tomorrow. something actually happening. for a few years. worried about longevity when I lose my mind and can hardly control any impulse to better self in any other sense and mr positive over here. overly optimistic is a lie. that is dumb. pick yourself up off your feet or die. never get on your fucking knees. everyone is worse than you. you are alone and so is everyone else. this is a dark tuesday.
chug a beer naked. the vanity mirrors all around. it scared me. i thought it might have been somebody. tell them one thing hear back another and never be true. cognitively dissonant old me. I can't allow anything to happen without question. what the fuck is wrong with that? (it's his damned partial college education, they'll say.) fuck you, I'll say. and we will end in argument and assess the results of this quandary. intelligent and calculated but simply to shit in front of the judges with all your might. the courage to do that on national television. though I do not trust a reputation anymore than for it to be a guideline for the person. the manipulation. talk to them. ask my own damn questions and ruin everything. why did you have to go and be so curious for the existence of truth and beautiful music.
"what does she do?"
