"In youth we may have an absolutely new experience, subjective or objective, every hour of the day. Apprehension is vivid, retentiveness strong, and our recollections of that time, like those of a time spent in rapid and interesting travel, are of something intricate, multitudinous and long-drawn-out. But as each passing year converts some of this experience into automatic routine which we hardly note at all, the days and the weeks smooth themselves out in recollection to contentless units, and the years grow hollow and collapse." William James Principles of Psychology
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Hunched over the table, shifting eyes, gobbling food given to him and he takes advantage. Incredible picky eater, which is an impossible sensation for myself, grateful enough just to fucking eat. Ungrateful. Hates books. Repeats phrases incessantly in conversation. Denies knowledge for many things. Attempts to lie into a big ego. Stuffing face without talking about anything meaningful. There is no lightbulb in the back there. A blur of a life. Something passing by so rapidly, no one even takes notice of that ignorant presence. Honestly racist. Spoiled rotten. Epitome of something so vengeful and hateful. Fills my head with wasps buzzing and stabbing into the grey matter. Grey is not a god damn color it is a shade. Why is the pursuit and love of knowledge and beauty something to ridicule? What kind of backwards upbringing in the shadows of doubt is this? I will stick in traffic like a broken brake and I volunteer for circumstances I can hardly tolerate in my mind's eye. Frustration and ridicule. Glorious in that existing shit storm. Heavy lifting and breaking the back down until nothing positive remains. Painting and dividing all the elements we used and the warm colors always overpower despite shitty los angeles rain driving, depressing music and congestion on the 101, we will be stuck and I will bite my tongue because I am an outlier, I am the one to place the blame for something strange or negative to happen. Strange is fucking good. If you want to stick out at a 'formal' event then do not dress formal. A bunch of hollywood garbage. We voted for this. Enough stupid people following dumber people in circles killed all hope for turning around and exiting. The trash piles up. Ignorance and selfishness combined form in huge clouds over the city, attempt to go out for a run in the rain but the air hurts the lungs with all of the denser, polluted, molecules in it that the water dragged down from higher up. Our consumption of oil and gasoline will kill us all. Gas prices steady climbing and everyone talks about money like it is the only important thing in the world. Shallow cunts with depression caused by time away from cell phone. An angry aggressive rant. The fake tits and red lipstick everyone assumes that the quiet ones are the ones to watch. Dating porn stars in the valley of dying dreams. Our valley. Who could survive this climate? It fucking sucks here. Everyone is a liar for their own personal gain and a dissenting opinion is always closed off. Speak the voice of dissent and be shunned. Exiled. Excommunicated. Speak the voice of truth, of a lens of equality and reality. Exile. Excommunication. They will hang you by the balls in the public square but no one will fight on your side they will bite their tongues until blood pours out then go home early, sick, to fuck the babysitter before the wife gets back from book club. Book club though? Is a god damn joke and a hoax. They pretend that they are The View. Or some other useless bullshit carnal knowledge. Shit no one needs to know about. This is the content that does not enrich our lives but rather diminishes. Peasants. With peasant problems. The stupidity and the ignorance. Unbelievable this shit is the cultural mirror reflecting our ideals back to us. Orange fake tit blonde high heeled stardom. Shallow and idiotic all the vomiting supermodels and the pressure to conform into a puzzle piece for a grander, obsequious, universe. The idea of beauty has been exploited into something so narrow and unrealistic that we all hate ourselves and feel ugly outside. No one feels ugly inside. Especially those who are fucking filth inside. To the core. Bring it on apocalypse. bring it on cynicism. fuck your world. ill take mine.
