He thought he had lost the spark completely; the competitive edge as ambition jogs forward. The spark became obscured by fragrant clouds of smoke, by sunsets and rises through crowded forests. He nearly wept with joy. His distractions had lead him into dark places. Places without substance, direction, concrete results, or exponential progress. He plateaued here, alone in all of his power. He nearly wept with joy that the spark remained. His eyes open to the burning glare of metallic surfaces and buildings scraping the sky like fingernails on chalkboard. Scratch scratch scratch. There is an itch he attempts to reach, on the roof of his mouth, in furious dedication. Ignore it, I want to say. You will only make it worse. Instead of delving deep into the dredges of existence; into the dark alleyways that define your past but not you in the present. You dove into these places without a safety line. All over analysis leading to personal paralysis. He is a fool to believe himself inadequate.
These thoughts were awfully harmless to his well being. Aware of this now, he self medicates with intelligent conversation and the words of his favorite authors. He self medicates with guided meditation in quiet, natural settings. He fixates his gaze inward in a healthy manner. Curious what secrets hide beneath the surface of his own skin and the intangible details tangled up in that head become clear with these rapturous moments of beautiful realization... Looking into yourself with negativity hurts your guts. They respond poorly to ridicule and perform worse than before, self-conscious that the mind is judging the secretions and palpitations harsh and unforgiving.
Look into yourself like a cave explorer wide eyed with affection and wonder. This is my decaying body and I must face my mortality one day, but for now I am so damn curious what this thing can do. The bones are capable of holding so much weight. You can survive war. Heartbreak. You are invincible. Feelings of inadequacy are so senseless. Feeling that every action is senseless is equally self defeating. We are all alive at the same time and I want to grow with you. Never again feel incapable. Never.
You can always do anything. The boundaries are mere physics; not psychology. Introspect gracefully. Love your greatest flaws. Have conversations with yourself about the boundaries of your body. What does the chair feel like on your lower back? Are you slouching to the extent of future back problems? Fuck it, you need to say. Fuck back problems. They are inbound and I will survive. I'll have friends who had made healthier decisions regarding back and spinal health, chiropractors mostly, to help me lift objects without falling to the fall and writhing in pain that could be avoided if I just sat up...
*pause to fix posture*
Now, now, now, right now. This is the time to fall in love with life and evident beauty of all things. The hate and the blood are unavoidable. You cannot correct horror entirely. Small scale wars against the evil of man are enough. You are a unique perspective and no one will ever have the same connections through your synapses as you. Isn't that wonderful?
Your reactions are important. You can change your mind and decide that happiness is not dependent on an absence of logic. If the state of happiness is a decision it is not synonymous with brain damage or stagnant idiocy. You can be happily aware of all evil. You can step away from car fires and orphaned children, with tears in your eyes, happy that empathy exists in your heart. You must be a poet with artistic sensibilities to be able to cry like that.
Now be off. Conquer the world with your silver tongue and strong hands. Destroy superficiality. Dig deeper than mariana's trench. You are not a cadaver. This is the land of dreams and you are incredibly gifted to be able to exist so freely.
Enjoy all of your senses.
