2:09 am
It is like a gigantomachy in terms of talent. But of course a valiant fight or else no Greeks or Romans would have ever cared to carve it out onto columns and tiers, dorian, the temple frieze, above the offset architecture, forever embedded above seaside housing. No one loses in this battle. Using polyrhythmic drum parts in construction of bass lines. If the metaphor would continue it would say that both sides end up forfeiting, raising white flags high, or rather fate compels them to band together in order to compete against a greater and darker evil. A more ferocious enemy. Lining up at the gates. At the threshold of our powerful new alliance. (no trench foot but bizarre bug bites on ankles).
I jump into the void with my arms open, embracing. There is open air and there is a feeling of hopeful floating towards underground magnetism. The polarities of the earth aligning with certain constellations as never before. As we shift on our 'why' axis. No one truly understands every complexity. There are myriad specialists on any subject, the world over, in every field with a deeper understanding than previously thought possible. Some specialized at subjects no one else in the world is interested in. But collaboratively, combining the elements necessary to bring about full, superficial awareness... If we were all specialists but then also were trained to teach as well as learn. We would soak each others talents like sponges. Suddenly superheroes are born and they can juggle everything. All of this previously impossible. Work in groups. (Aim for the stars. Land on the stars. Bypass the moon.) Reaching up towards light fixtures and turning the lock. Lost coastlines.... Summoning all of the songs listened to while sleeping and the nightmares they've caused. A Friday night spent with wax and alcohol. A lot of music, to the point of callouses. On both hands from drumming too hard.
How could you have no control over your life? Even living under your parents roof? Fix the situation. Adjust the levels and come to a nice conclusion about your place in that family. (Brief story of discovering old singer dead in his house in between the biggest concerts of their careers... All left behind on the southeast coast). You guys like oranges huh?
Try to use the time alone to summarize thoughts and feelings about this journey. Feels good knowing my life is all out of sorts because of this thing. My teeth are yellowing and there is food in my gums. My fingernails are dirty and untrimmed. Big callouses on my hands. I haven't looked in a mirror. (Get to know him and understand that he copes more than you would be able to think. his spacial awareness is incredibly acute.) I have bug and seeing eye dog bites on my arm. My stuff is tucked away in an outdoor closet. I sleep in a songproof mixing lab. The soundboard and all. (What it would be to have a touring rock star for a father). My tan is fading. My muscles are weakening. My back, aching. I haven't worked out or ran. (Drumming for cardio). Sharing great music. (Silent D.) I haven't shaved. I don't know the marginal points from where I sit. I do not know where the nearest bank is or where I will be living at the end of the month... But my soul is strengthening. This is exactly what I needed. I am eating really well due to some parental investment in the future of his son and the wishes he has. With all of the elements there, all numbers scratched on the lottery ticket, we just have to cash it in. Who cares if my fingernails are long and dirty. My hands are becoming stronger. The physical signs of a different and more advanced model. I can have the confidence to become who I would like to be.
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The atheist in the foxhole.
