June 14

7/8 jam for fifteen minutes, lost in translation, the inevitable cues tying us together in sonic profusion. We use big words with big mouths. Count your teeth with the tip of your tongue and make sure you are all put together for that twin sized bed. Remember you shared one with me? And did you? Watching fear and loathing in candlelight, enlightening voices, we clogged our arteries with each others hearts. Too much for such a small bed in a small room with concrete floors. (the other painted her ceiling on adderral). First night waking naked next to her, spilling my guts the night prior. The morning, over coffee and awkward feeling of betrayal. No I did not try to take advantage. We were both immune to each other. Falling over ourselves in embarrassed appreciation of one another, including self-deprecation. (these days, what use getting drunk in a closed environment? the damage will catch up with us eventually. hydrate. stay warm. sweating and emotional. we cannot keep this pace up forever and ever.) Then again. This pace will not change. It may never. I remember warm scenes from nearly two years ago. We were kids in love. College treated us like angels. The low end hurt our eyes but we survived. I wish you the best. Jewelry being your attribute. Something money making and lighting up lives in marriage and counseling. You are being sent good vibes right now. I speak to you candid, as we traversed to the coast with a keg. Put a sweater and a hat on it and took swigs. I was the responsible driver yet again. I have done this before. Have a nice day again. Your hair looks great and your atmosphere is smoothed out like a hairpin turn. Or a switch back from a desert trail. We chase our tails between our legs. Hallucinate the rain and open our mouths to it. "I can offer you fresh ears" Let us bask in the glorified remembrance of days high in mexican restaurants as the only customers for miles surrounding. Let us get inside the cadence again. Let me pull apart the seems that separate me from that time. The fabric of time separating. We annoy each other. My god it worked! I'd be happy to wake up in your arms one night a year and 3/4 ago. (just cuz I dont wanna war with you dont mean go warm up the barbeque). I'd be happy to fall into that scene for a moment of lapsed consciousness. (listen to bus driver). sweeping loneliness. I am stuck in a room with a spoiled dog who barks at me simply because I am in here. Go ahead and do your worst. I am immune. Someday this will pay off. I don't have doubts about my place here now but I wonder when I will meet people. For now it's all bass. It's music and it is preventing death by malnourishment. I can still hold you in my arms in my dreams. I can still feel you breathing on me. I am here and you are there and we can never go back to that black dress dorm room fantastic. Pouring baking soda on the ground. Drinking around back. Campus security have no power. Smoking until the fire alarm squeaks then batting away at the smoke from the door. How the hell did I get here? Last time I check I was living in Broadway. - - - - - but it is still easy to change from resting to waking state than the opposite. any sound keeps me awake when I try. but every sound wakes me up early in the morning. a ridiculous hour day and have I spent it well. jinx me to fail at a bass solo. but I'm sure I won't. you said it. I am prideful. It can't happen. Cover it well. Play it 200 times before the show. Same with the synchronized singing parts. wearing water plugs for those. sleeping at the studio again. did I pay money for a good reason? expensive cost for a nice dorm room. a bachelor pad. bustling musician. off to band practice. never came back. left his shit. I am too tired to stand or play or sing anymore. my voice was wrecked earlier. I wish you were here to share this twin bed and tell that it is okay I am not at home.