Time traveling in the chrysler. Enter suicide doors but exit alive and refreshed. Running boards made for gangsters with pinstripe suits and tommy guns. We then flew over to the outback, memories bombarding at the old middle school.. threw a boomerang across the field but it mostly went straight, as we had no australian ancestry in our collective blood. We checked and cross checked. (fear of drug test limiting possibilities. time for detox. week long embrace of sobriety. flushing the body out with water and orange juice. glasses of tea and jog after jog after jog. there are no limitations. everything is possible.) Climb under the bridge and witness the new spectacle of planted shrubs and a giant tunnel. The tunnel under the road where we skipped rocks and challenged each other to childhood games. Hit the tree stump with a rock. Friendly people with glorious smiles. I am not higher than them. Unfortunately, a minor glitch of superiority could be felt. But why? Perhaps I did not see much change in them. My life is constant photosynthesis. The butterfly is not the goal. It continually mutates and grows more beautiful, intricate patterns of broader, more energy efficient wings. Fly free from that caccoon of a year in the desert. The year begins again in the deseret. Teeth screaming to be brushed. Floor mopped. Nothing matters but simple existence and a passive understanding of job opportunities left and right. Join a gym. Date a broad. Hobbies are found but must be fortified. Get good, really good, at collecting stamps. Playing the cards right and stepping into limelight where others have stood terrified. Stand tall with wide chest. Evidence of obvious exercise. Feel good look good. There is nothing that can stand in your way other than you. This nags at all of us as we fail to reach one goal or another, blaming ourselves. Blame fate. Blame the wind. I will whisper truths into your ears until you need hearing aids. My treble is bombast and bright. I am a barotone soul, slowly spiraling into madness. You won't forget that I said this when it all comes to an end. Strip the leather from the car seats. Boost your stamina with energy pills. Everything flows through the body into dishes containing all your DNA. There is no hiding from the pills you've taken. The holes you've drilled in your head. Your friends were bad influences but wished to open your mind, experimenting in the circumstances, the live now, think later, mindset. Blaring through our headsets. We are not empty. We are full to the brim and everyone is living well who matters. Pierce yourself in a million different places until the rush overwhelms you and you never need another man in your life again.
----- 2:27 -----
No fear of interruption. The silence at such late time of rest is uncanny. Having lived in college cities the last few years I am always expecting someone to be causing trouble, drinking or fucking their way through the night as I try to sleep and be responsible... save those nights for the weekend, idiots. But here it is deadly silence. The type that creeps into your spine and grabs a hold. I am comforted. No need for the remote stereo (sleep mode on there is deactivated). Tonight I will sleep in silence.
I recorded vocals (my own voice!) in a nice studio for the first time. Exciting stuff and I got into it. Losing time. Letting it fly by. That growl in the voice. Flat in parts. Beer to wash down the throat. Vodka to clear out the voice box. Tiny doses though. It was sunday for god's sake. Somehow I realized my potential as a singer and in this format the execution is simple and incredible. I don't care how buried these harmonies are, I've found a new confidence in my voice that could not have happened any other way.
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I’m sorry I brought the rain up with me. The distance nearly
killed me. I slept through a deseret listening to dark side of the moon. The
bass rattling my belongings, all tucked into too many boxes, crash pad versus
comfortable living space. Neither are right or wrong. (natural wear and tear,
caused by the elements and not malice.) Your body is on display. You showed
yourself to all in the dim lit parking lot and did not care who you went home
with. (go to his place. kiss him everywhere and see what he likes.) Vomit
thought. Hate to think this bitter mess about a god person. (good). But the
distance killed us. No hope for future. Maybe one day I’ll marry her. Ten years
or something… but no, no… I don’t foresee that anymore. Everything is more difficult
than that. My stomach churning. I wish I could hold her rather than air and
water. Just as a clairvoyant works…. I miss waking up with a woman who has the
same level of respect for me as I do her. (gross misunderstanding, the
Shakespeare festival nasty language which changed the game back in the day).
We’re all ghost. Wandering from place to place. Searching for home. There is a
soft wind. We are all lost so often. We are the legend of the map. Get in my
heart darling baby girl. You are so cold out there. I witnessed a spectacular
blinding landscape, the rugged American dream, though I flew south for the
summer. Ironies in the quiet studio space. Generate vocals rather than sing
them. I spoke up and question authenticity… to no ears. Everyone ignores me and
they go back to copy paste vocals for choruses… because it will fool the
audience. Working with someone so picky must be awful… there was confusion. I
am so sorry I haven’t been up to date. I’ve been working too hard. Changing my
life and falling into place in woodland hills. I live across from a private
school in an attached guest house. We share a wall but I hear nothing. They
hear nothing. No problems. I brought down the rain and it washes the dried bugs
from the hood of my car.
