Disposable earplugs for lonely company. They are heartless with their negative intent. Riding the crest of the wave. I understand where my writing is not important. On the underbelly of bridges or where no one will ever see. On the television for the blind. Grandeur of delusion. Feel the collective energy pacing around us like a wolf stalking a victim. Argue over the status of music. Of two guitarists on stage. Of presence. Of execution. General anxiety. Play for the bartenders. They are indifferent. But it's a famous stage. We are starting from the ground but then all positive contributions from the individuals are masked by the collective goal of everyone tied together. We stomp on each others feet. I am anxious for some reason. I just feel like my voice won't get heard. I feel like a puppet. That gold, the carrot dangling on a string, the money motivation. Enough to survive. Not to buy multithousand dollar entryway. Enough for food. Minimum wage. Pay my own way. Save the rest. Spend what I make but save what is given to me in order to begin systematic payback. I guess I'll do what is necessary.
- - - -
the dumbass over-privilege honor student. the difference of consciousness, I allowed myself to be elsewhere while the present surrounded me, covering open space like water. I was vacant at the dinner table, selling tickets for classes in self respect, the lifeless arms and brainless talents apparent in some minor walks of life, from here to the door for example. Into the flood. Selling my pockets. Why is this stupid? Asking why there is comfort in knowing everything.
Mixing together pieces of our ears into one solid mixture. Laying down between tiles on a pathway to the fountain. the pond. of youth. a wishing well to be honest. Nervousness when a new girl invades the life. sounds like garbage and failed studio etiquette. Hear the notes individual, tied in with a handful of harmonies. There are too many clues offering up to success. We just need the patience to know everything about each individual song, trying out new experimentation, getting fat tones, proceeding with the mixes until late, early morning hours, prior to a band practice with fans in attendance, definitely necessary to warm up voice in shower after laundry fiasco, blame on the marijuana, the stupidity drug in some instances, but no, it was simple neglect, rinsing out the sunshine from beneath motorcades, Ridiculous strengths realized and somehow it all, every moment, become progress toward an infinite goal. Considering the sources of income. Erase the changes. Everything in between
