March 23
No internet again. But here I am. Successful lighting matches onto a pile of money. Heart in hands. My fingertips are raw and the drums were like extensions of new personality. I became something exciting and new. Artistic and innovative. Multi-instrumental like the rest. Makings of a wonderful connection. High jams. And food and snacks. Wander through the streets, at least I headed in the right direction. Far far far. Tell the truth why not. Wonder. Lone day. Everyone stays in their comfort zone. I am a free spirit. I do things for myself. I am a go getter. The ego coming into play. Truly the traits are incongruent. Feeling around the inside of a building to understand where it is. Navigate the store. He really opened my eyes. My god that sounds a horrible pun but I never thought of this before. Never had a blind friend. Cool. I’ve written. Having fun. Crazy times in crazy places. A relationship on hiatus. Not indefinite. We are separate but there is a strong magnetism glaring in the empty bedrooms (or full it’s never the same). Even with company the memory lingers. The tilt and angle. But I may enter a progressive crazy life. Wishing me to stay back and figure it out in due time in Portland. But If I can tour with these fellas and rock out on stage. I can do anything I set my mind to. Why don’t I decide, without suggestion, what to do with myself, for myself? I know this couch is comfortable. The band is nice and very good. The draw is strong. But how would I live here? If I had a place and somewhere easy to work I would be fine. Lining this up would be hard if indeed everyone says yes on me despite the wait. (Skype? Or what?) I will be distant. How is it possible to wait that long. The momentum seems to have already started. (Ride it out?) God if only they do, I will have no way of backing out safely. No more girl. No more shivering late nights. Sideways rain. The colors, all hazy here. Rest easy tonight. Missing the opportunity all around, they all are.
Friday
A lost story through a lens of past preferences. We all right. We all like to write. He was a an imposter a far fetched ghostly double, all coiled up in snake coils, snake skin leather, a headache and a heart ache, honey bbq crunchy fries, cooking and coaching in the kitchen, talking about make up and joking about it or not they wouldn’t admit it. Beer snacks, bass conversation, cheeseburgers and go to the gym, before la brea, crunch, oh my gosh and leather jacket vs jean jacket, dinner time in los angeles, somewhere unknown, take five guys, juicy burger, patterned carpet turn on side, wallpaper, black sheet, eating meat, advice and laughter in the kitchen, street hawk band, all my love, play every week during a month, ep release month, which is sweet and big news. Rock band hotel, that cool guitar solo, bring the crunch down a bit, they are more technical and up to date, sounding like new prototypes, for once I am involved with real amateur shit, my simple introduction into a world like no other I’ve been a part of. An ADHD life if I end up moving down here to study music and blindness, music therapy for broken heart, your sex date, look at this,
