Pinch of caffeine to widen the pupils. Escalate this leverage and get on with it. The jaws of life to pry open this twisted metal. Skull of higher being. Bed sheets burned in shame and we all get uneasy watching someone disintegrate. The past haunting and soaking clothes through. Books in bed and good riddance to all misnomers. Have a great day, angel.
You are as heart sick as I.
****
The defects of the drug. And the distractions apparent. Do everything unnecessary before the necessary. Which is ultimately backwards and stressful. Clean the apartment then do homework? Wrong. Today you have not utilized the time correctly. The assignment will be completed. Start up again in a few minutes and finish in an hour or two. Read it over. Edit. Check sources and quotes. Make sure all of the important content is there. All of the important elements. It will be a relief to be confident with the product. And at a point this evening I'll have to be confident enough to cut and print it. A good portion of the grade. That's not the stress. In fact their is no stress regarding the assignment itself. I've known about it forever. The dynamic of today alone defines how it has been but over a much more broad time range. (car alarms are distractions. so is tobacco and conversations with friends.) Talk to some people. Let them know that I am alive and doing fine. These plans. I will follow through. I will be a godly bass player and people will look to me for guidance. (At least I know my way around, I can point them towards better help.)
Now. Right this very moment. It is of utmost importance to do the work and to feel proud of it. Or at least to feel good enough about it, that I can turn it in (all 10+ pages of it) with a smile on my face. I will acknowledge the fact that he must read hundreds of them and grade them all on the same criteria. Keep his interest. Where is the fun in reading a boring report? He says that it is not about prose. It is about content. But I draw a line. Fresh and original presentation of content will persuade his grading no matter what. Killing two birds with one stone. I am the English major and I know what ingredients make up a great paper.
I was deviant because I acted strangely in public, having fun with it, naturally. Throw in some real songs. A cover and an original here and there. The inconsistencies in my experiment must be explained away. I was playing on foot, rambling around, or following specific people, riffing on the content of their speech. I wanted them to react... 'Random dude playing guitar and singing songs.' Go up to a group of people, sitting and talking, and ask them for a request. (crucial to learn some Pink Floyd and more Zeppelin. And more Iron Maiden. Work out those bass player fingers. Typing probably will help resolve this. (California on their lips)
California Dreamin. How cool to live near a campus as a non-student? (I would then be considered a townie. How interesting, the shifted dynamic. Take vocal lessons and bass lessons. Work washing dishes somewhere. Temporary residence. Most likely rent out a room in a house full of strangers. Craig's list.)
Elements of new residence:
I want to live minimally. No need for the bells and whistles.
Sell some things, perhaps.
Contemplate selling my sub and amp to a friend.
This might be stupid if I can get some enjoyment out of it, having a car to drive again.
Slight fear about the aggressive drivers.
Have to be on my toes.
Never behind the wheel intoxicated again.
Ocean side.
