Rise to the challenge. Become the mental giant. It is entirely possible and all of us are capable. There are almost more things to do that hinder progress than enhance it. Mostly distractions that keep us at a plateau of cognitive efficiency. We go in straight lines, or chase our tails for a minute... Working the research for a life-affirming dissertation, then cleaning the mirror in the bathroom, organize linens, write a song or jam on an old one, and then return to become distracted once more. Turn into a pygmy-brained individual, one who could not create the tools necessary to escape from a cage if they are born there. Accept and adapt to the cage. Subsequent lineages adapt and become smaller and dumber, evolution never quite revealing to them that they can unlatch the cage and escape out into free air. Hunched backs bearing weights I'll never understand. The weight of watchful eyes and a parent worried about the success of a child. (Someone else's dad gives me a lecture about how it is a stupid decision to leave school for awhile. I never properly defended myself, although it was clear that my reasoning did not impress upon him any positive parental perspective.)
Leave academia for a while. How long? I don't know. Possibly just for the summer. Ha. The pursuit of higher education but through levels of experience rather than analysis of experience. I must learn firsthand in the bows of ships and the flight deck of airplanes, private with big cuban cigars... I must develop a knowledge of the street. One that cannot be overlooked. Lead you through this great big can of a city. Weird and hazy thoughts this morning.
Learn from experience. Don't know unless you try it. Anyway, absinthe is handed to you in crates in Europe. If I'm there for my 21st it would not matter a fuck.
Beautiful big brain. Your brawn never developed too far from where you once were. Living alone might be entirely important. (House in Los Angeles.. but invited to a cheap rent joint down the street in Tempe.) I am a ghost here and it hates my guts. My guts churn everyday with all sorts of negativity. Self put-downs. (Wow, Nate. That was stupid.) And put downs of others. (That person has no idea what they are talking about.) So I shut myself off and listen to beautiful music while I walk or cruise to class. Feeling a nice walk this morning. (Been awhile. Very important to shake up routine in any way possible.)
Dinner food. Bass fingers. Energy drink. (Are we all forgotten?)
My name on another disc. Cool.
Two albums a year.
*****
The studio is a no-go because he did not pay the electric bill. Exceedingly stupid considering how much he could have made on this project. (yeah for sure, for sure). My brain ten paces behind me. I'm getting things done. But time feels non existent and problems seem so unfulfilled and destructive
