Test the flexibility of my new identification card. This is my all-access, no holds barred, courageous and infinite identity. The curiosity of a broken finger, we can never deny our powerful positions. Valiant fight against time itself and the violent, soul-ruining effects of a day-long over hang, something to peel that label off, all colorful and taut, something invisible otherwise, I might just look disheveled, like a dreamer, like someone lost in space for a moment, adrift and devoid of material possessions, an earth-bound realization that the money was never worth it. The essence is something deeper, the trees are much more knowledgeable about it than I.
Cigars and liquor, all of the subtle influences of a day dragging on behind us like a dying animal. Always honest, dressed to impressed, fluent a dagger through a cold heart, glorified resistance and violet afterglow. we are that spark, that sparkle of a falling flame, the arrow through the apple on our heads, the matching clothes for expensive little children, quietly finding out those small purposes, a reason behind everything...
Driving gently down a neighborhood, through twisted trees nearly embracing directly overhead, though these trees only grow up not out, dreaming blissfully about all of that green goodness, I came close to reverie. I can securely say that I was damned close to something. An idea I can never directly pinpoint. A realization, maybe a thought like none other. An original thought. A breeze scattering fallen leaves. I am alive. I am so fucking alive. It felt like a gasp. Like barely catching that invisible monster lurking in all small beautiful moments. A lighter than air feeling. I was weightless, instantly detached and fully involved in that dashing detail. Of course moments collide with one another and my reverie is interrupted by traffic lights, car alarms, fashion statements, cologne and perfume, cigars and liquor, all of everything... the trivial matters...
Motivation to elevate myself in order to keep moments like this alive in wild glory. I must remember all it is to be a curious creature in the depths of these strange and disastrous times. I can no longer feel disgusted by the world, more likely by the human nature plaguing the world, I must feel content and safe in the typical thoughts... no more disgust, replace that with awe and curiosity. An insatiable lust to try all do all and feel all. Something wonderful, aspiring to greatness. Loving everything and everybody equally. Feeling happy and satisfied. Caught off guard by brilliant simplicity. Distracted in equal parts by philosophical and comedic thoughts. Something sympathetic and self-aware. The awareness being all that matters. To be aware of all and to have a full grasp on what was once thought to never be able to grasp. something elusive. A new personality in the works. To become the greatest person in the world rather than an anti-social cave-dweller surrounded by broken bottles and scraping up resin to place in pipes to exit reality and to enter something less superficial. The way my brain works must always be so open and quick to laugh at myself. I can no longer be determined as a wasteful person or an asshole by any other name. Generally label me something incredible. Why aspire to anything other than personal perfection? Whiten those god damn teeth and look in the mirror now and again. This is a new world. You are not who you were. You can be whoever you want. Be it! There is joy in meaningful social interaction, in relationships developing and the indifference reduced to oblivion. Care and try to care wildly, with ultimate ambition to create beauty. To take beauty away without harming it for others! To watch sunsets on the beach. To count birds and police cars, witnessing a poor fool get arrested and the children all go back to school without any other thoughts beyond complaints. Understandable. The summer is a mystery. A playful oblivion to enter for awhile, to take the load off and to really find the meaning behind what it is to be a kid.
These revelations. I want more. I want it all.
